She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
