he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize