Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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