names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
