Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
