oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
