It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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