I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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