So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
