and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
