he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
