I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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