Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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