I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
