Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
