I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize