I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
