why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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