I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
