Welp...herpes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
