I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
