I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
