Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
