Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
