We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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