she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
