shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
