Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
