It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I didn't notice because vodka
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
