I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
