I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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