my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My liver just broke up with me...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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