She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
