She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my shit smells like andre
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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