My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
