Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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