if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
