Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's just so happy...and so naked.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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