Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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