my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
