you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
