I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There are leaves in my underwear?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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