Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
