it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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