We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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