I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
