I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
