paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize