David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
