mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize