...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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