fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
foreskin is a definite game changer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
