she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
