Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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