Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
