I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
