YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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