you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
