I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
