your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
