Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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