Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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