i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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