wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
