dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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