mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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