he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
