Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
