If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize