between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
