I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
