I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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