Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
