Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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