i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
