Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
